It’s the 1st of December tomorrow, which means two things:
1️⃣ Teachers everywhere are about to start pretending they love Christmas jumper day, and
2️⃣ SLT are about to roll out the annual “festive CPD” — which is the same as normal CPD, but with a mince pie and a slightly more patronising PowerPoint theme.
And speaking of CPD, let’s cast our minds back to my previous post about endless, pointless, soul-sapping CPD sessions that we are all forced to sit through — all those thrilling afternoons learning how to colour-code your seating plan for maximum impact. Riveting. Truly paradigm-shifting.
(If you missed it, consider yourself lucky — but also, go read it so we can suffer together.)
Link here: https://detentiondiaries.com/2025/10/25/155/
🎓 The Problem: We Don’t Need More Training — We Need Proper Training
What teachers actually need is training that’s:
- Useful
- Practical
- Not written by someone who hasn’t been in a classroom since Tony Blair was promising Education, Education, Education
- And rooted in the real world, where teenagers actually exist
Imagine — just imagine — if we had actual, high-quality training instead of the usual “Iceberg Model of Behaviour” laminated nonsense.
Here’s a wild thought…
🤖 What if we had proper training on AI?
Not the current version, where someone from SLT says:
“AI is the future… anyway, here’s a worksheet I printed upside down.”
I mean actual AI training, where teachers learn how to:
- Automated planning
- Generate differentiated resources
- Cut marking time in half
- Reduce admin
- Make data tracking less painful than stepping on a plug socket
Teachers could get HOURS of their lives back.
We could plan efficiently.
We might even — and this is dangerous optimism — go home when it’s still light.
But no. Instead, we get a CPD session on “How to Improve Displays in the Corridor.”
🧠 SEND Training: Or, How to Summon a Real Expert
Here’s another revolutionary idea:
What if our SEND training was delivered by…
… wait for it…
an actual SEND expert?
Not someone drafted in because they once went on a course about autism in 2008.
Not someone who says “sensory needs” with the vocal fry of someone who’s guessing.
I’m talking about people who genuinely understand:
- EP (Educational Psychology)
- Trauma-informed approaches
- Occupational therapy
- PDA profiles
- The difference between behaviour of a child and behaviour from a child
If we had proper SEND training, we could:
- Support students better
- Prevent crises instead of reacting to them
- Build inclusive classrooms that actually include children
- And not have “Is this a behaviour issue or a sensory meltdown?” whispered like we’re solving a murder mystery
But instead, we’re given a printout called Top Ten Tips for ADHD!
Tip #1 usually being:
“Use a visual timetable.”
Yes, Karen. Groundbreaking.
💀 The Dickens of It All
The whole system feels a bit… Victorian.
Which is fitting, since it’s basically run like a Dickens novel.
Tiny Tim has a better chance of getting an EHCP than half the kids in our borough.
If Charles Dickens were alive today, he wouldn’t need to write a Christmas Carol — he’d just visit any UK secondary school in December and watch Year 11 queue outside isolation.
And honestly, with the way education policy is going, it wouldn’t surprise me if Rishi Sunak popped out dressed as Scrooge, whispering:
“Are there no academies? Are there no trusts?”
We are standing at a precipice — a moment where education could transform for the better:
- AI revolution
- SEND reform (if done by someone with a braincell)
- Reduced workload
- Inclusion grounded in actual research
- Real opportunities to change lives
But instead, we’re stuck in a draconian system that still marks us on book presentation like it’s 1871.
Until the Ghost of Education Future shows up with a proper action plan, I guess we’ll keep doing what we always do:
Survive.
Caffeinate.
Pretend we’re “driving attendance” when we’re actually just driving ourselves to the brink.
Happy 1st of December.
May your advent calendars contain wine.
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