Detention Diaries

Merry F*ing Christmas

This is your annual festive reminder that work is not your personality, and your inbox is not a Tamagotchi that will die if you stop checking it.

It’s Christmas. Or at least Christmas-adjacent. The point in December where everyone pretends things are winding down while secretly scheduling emails for January like absolute psychopaths.

So let me say this, clearly and with love:

Nothing is coming.

No emails.

No emergencies.

No “quick question.”

And if there is an email?

It can wait.

Because it always does.

📬 The Inbox Delusion

I don’t know when it started, but at some point teachers collectively developed the habit of checking emails like:

• We’re waiting for a message from God
• Or Ofsted
• Or SLT announcing, “Actually, you’ve done enough, go and rest”

Spoiler: none of those things are happening.

I’ve checked my emails at 10pm, 6am, on Boxing Day, mid-film, mid-argument, mid-life crisis.

Nothing. Ever. Comes.

It’s just newsletters, a CPD invite you’ll never attend, and something marked URGENT that won’t be mentioned again until February.

If you’re checking emails over the holidays, I say this gently but firmly:

👉 That one’s on you.

Turn.

It.

Off.

Delete the app.

Log out.

Bury your phone in the garden if you have to.

🎯 Do What Actually Matters

This is your permission slip to do the things that are important to you.

That might be:

• Spending time with family
• Sitting in silence staring at a wall
• Eating your bodyweight in beige food
• Watching the same Christmas film for the 14th time
• Or yes — drinking yourself into oblivion

I’m not judging.

The year has been a lot.

You do not owe anyone productivity right now.

You do not need to “use the break wisely.”

You do not need to plan ahead, get organised, or think about January.

January is a problem for January You.

And frankly, January You has a track record of coping somehow.

🎄 A Festive Reality Check

School will survive without you.

The system will grind on.

Your inbox will still be there.

And nothing catastrophic will happen if you step away.

What will happen, though, is this:

• You might breathe
• You might laugh
• You might remember you’re a human being
• You might come back slightly less broken than you left

And honestly?

That’s a win.

🎬 Final Thoughts

So this Christmas:

Turn off your emails.

Ignore the noise.

Do the things that fill your cup — or empty a bottle.

Rest without guilt.

Exist without justification.

we’ll be having some time to reflect and eat mountains of twiglets. We’ll be back in the new year to build the site and the podcast. Big plans a’coming!

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals. 🎄🥂